You can say that again.

Cilantro!

LUH-VIT!

http://fuckyeahcilantro.tumblr.com/

This made my day today. What made my day more was finding out how much all friends LOVED cilantro! Before sharing the link...the question was simple. 'Do you like cilantro?'

APRIL: I fucking love cilantro

KRISTEN: me too...fucking LOVe it....i think if you put cilantro or mint on ANYTHING it makes it all a hundred percent better.

KRIS: i love it...like i wanna marry it.

EVAN: in love with it. like a romantic connection
MATT: the restaurant or the ingredient? depends, and if ever, only in small doses. so lime-y!

AAAAAAND. the cilantro haters.

JEN: And I will fight you because I hate cilantro. (Actually it's moved to acceptance with a mild dislike.)

RANISE: No. I hate it. i think it's so gross. i don't really know what the flavor is.if it's in something i order i send it back

Before and After

Before and After a 'day at the farm!'

Before and After self esteem!

Before and After computer aging software!

Before and After prison!

Before and After Extreme Makeover: Home Edition!

Before and After photoshop!
Before and After premature aging!

Before and After being taunted for being overweight in high school!

Before and After cute overload!

Before and After fame!

Before and After meth!

I love 'before and after' photos. I don't care what the subject matter is. Show me the damn transformation now. Oh yeah. Don't do meth!

And what inspired it all.


I just want the 'after' hair all the time. Is that so much to ask for?

PIMP FAIL

This is actually just really sad. When human lives are bartered for questionable pieces of minced chicken ass and necks in a perfectly salted and crunchy batter, no one wins. Maybe the dollar menu. Maybe.

And definitely not this chicken McNugget head.

All i'm saying is that any pimp of mine is going to have to be a hunk. This sweet video will help!

What's up, Vanilla Face?

That's more like it!

Special Valentines Unit

I love Law & Order(SVU only.) Valentine's day pretty much ranks as high on my list as Flag day. Though I'd gladly accept these awesome SVU valentines by Brandon Bird. He also makes L&O coloring books!

In other news:

• an awesome dramatic reading of a REAL breakup letter from a REAL person. turn the sound on. and check it out here.

• A real heartbreaking story. The woman who hasn't cut her nails since 1979 had broken her nails in a car crash.

 • The Video Guide to successful Seduction. YES! 

Garbage Plate

Work is giving me an irregular heartbeat. More blog later.

In the meantime, THIS has been bringing me a lot of joy and hunger pangs.

That doesn't make it any better

Ran across this list of 24 Things that Are About to become extinct.

24. Yellow Pages | Only good for making stacks of giant, yellow, untouched pages of newsprint.
23. Classified Ads | Maybe those traditional classified ads should consider installing a 'Casual Encounters' section.
22. Movie Rental Stores | Expensive and far away!
21. Dial-up Internet Access | Jeez. dial up is soooooo 1998.
20. Phone Landlines | Not true. Time Warner will totally try to trick you into getting the triple play deal.
19. Chesapeake Bay Blue Crabs | They are blaming this on overfishing, pollution, invasive species and global warming. I am blaming it on the rising popularity of competitive eating sports.
18. VCRs | Ugh, and i JUST bought me a 42" Plasma tv/VCR combo.
17. Ash Trees | Ha!
16. Ham Radio | MMMmmm. Ham....
15. The Swimming Hole
14. Answering Machines | Well, if no one wants a prehistoric landline...then who wants a crusty answering machine?
13. Cameras That Use Film
12. Incandescent Bulbs
11. Stand-Alone Bowling Alleys | Disco Bowling Night. Problem solved.
10. The Milkman | Sorry Milkman, you might as well be a family farm owner.
9. Hand-Written Letters | These aren't going away unless inmates have word processors and printers now.
8. Wild Horses | Oh no! We used to go camping at this placed called Assateague (..i know) Park when I was younger and they were chock full of wild horses. From here on out, i shall devote my time into wild horse sanctuaries.
7. Personal Checks | Checks will still be around so long as my landlord doesn't start direct depositing my rent out of my account.
6. Drive-in Theaters | I would still LOVE to see a movie in a drive in. someone take me. please.
5. Mumps & Measles | Now replaced with gonorrhea and the clap. Sick.
4. Honey Bees | Hopfully the only ones going away are those murderous Africanized ones.
3. News Magazines and TV News | God, i love the internet.
2. Analog TV | DING! fries are done! (...and by fries, i mean analog teevees.)
1. The Family Farm | Sorry Future Farmers of America!

For extra credit reading, you can learn more about these primitive atrocities here.

NOW...here is my list of a few things that SHOULD be extinct or consider being extinct in the near future.

1. Raisins| You shriveled up little shits ruining my cereal, bread pudding and occasional cinnamon rolls. Just go away.
2. People that give the middle finger when they are driving | It. Just. Enrages. Me.
3. When a news story begins with "New Studies show that....." | You're a moron. You're going to die of cancer from whatever thing you just finished doing. Now grab a carafe of red wine, bundle up in your Snuggie and die.
4. Star Trek | Really. What's the point.
5. Homeless animals | Just breaks my heart.
6. Bad Customer Service | I know you hate your job and life. But puh-lease.
7. Mystery the 'The Pick-Up Artist' | LAME.
8. Dudes that adopt the ways of the aforementioned douche bag | Seriously? No...seriously.
9. Paper cuts | Especially from a manila folder!
10. Mosquitoes | I'd personally like to find, meet each and every one of you....then murder you.

non MLK related link roundup.

+ internet people are so quick. LOL terrorist birds already have their own blog! 

+ Pretty Woman in a nutshell. more short movie summaries here.

 + do you like creepy .GIFs of animated babies dancing? if YES! then be amazed here.

+ why dogs rule. 

+ where to buy really dope groceries. 

+ You Are Home.  For you hand-drawn-cut-paper-sappy-hopeless-love-song-enthusiasts.

She was a ho For sho

still love this.

short stacks

Found this super sweet photo today.

...Which made me think of that man who walks around NYC with the cat on his head. If you want a photo of this walking anomaly, he's going to ask you for money. So take a quick snap, then tell him to shut it and let his cat walk around like all the other animals instead of being held prisoner on his head being humiliated 24/7 on the streets of new york.

After some more intensive internet research, i found this pretty self explanatory Flickr group called Cats as Hats. Enjoy, you lovers of cats, hats, and hats made of cats! And this ALL reminds me one of my my earliest internet finds. This was probably the late 90s when i stumbled upon Oolong and his japanese owner who took extensive photographs of his beloved bunny and his special "balancing talent." Anyway, the bunny has since passed away but his heart (and legacy) goes on and on like Celine Dion's heart. Here are some of his greatest hits. + some other misc stacking/balancing photos

Gamble Gamble Gamble Dieeeeeeee

My Birthday is coming up!

This is how rainy days make me feel.

Put me in coach!

This poor guy's parents were probably like mine and too cheap to pay the extra four dollars for the laser background. Laser portrait enthusiasts.....THIS is for you.

Typical Saturday night.

Thanks bMag for todays photo contributions.

Someone threw away an almost whole burrito. Shaped like a baby apparently.

ANDDDDDDD...the Eagles are playing the Giants this Sunday, my birthday! Eagles are the most superior Bird of prey.

Thanks 2008. Hello 2009.

Thanks 2008.
Thanks for the puppy cam.
Thanks for Barack Obama, Tina Fey and the pregnant man.

Thanks to tator tots and all tator tot by-products, the official food of 2009. For being crunchy on the outside, warm and inviting on the inside and completely awesome for hangovers all around. 
Thanks Facebook, for being a stalker's dreamtool.
Thanks for not allowing me to make enough money to be effected by the 2008 Bank Crisis.
Thanks for making it cost extra to check baggage.
Thanks all you random dudes in '08, for never returning my calls.
Thanks Philly, for continuing to be the murder capital of the world.

Thanks to the person that retouches Bret Micheals, for making him dreamier than ever.
Thanks 40 Year old Virgin, for continuously to make me laugh...year after year.
Thanks Jeremy Pivens, for getting mercury poisoning and quitting your broadway show so that I could never see you live in the flesh. (I still love you. Call me!)
Thanks Britney, for your comeback.
Thanks NYC bars and other institutions that serve alcohol for just being you. And open til at least 4 AM.
Thanks to my feet, who don't hate me for the painful shoes that I choose to wear.
Thanks Viacom, for allowing me to stay employed thus giving me another place to endlessly browse the internet.
Thanks MTV to succombing to reality TV and slowly dying a slow death.
Thanks Crunch Fitness, for making me loathe the gym now and forevermore.
Thanks bacon, you rule. This year and every year.
Thanks internet, for always being there for me. (I love you)



Hi 2009. Don't let me down!

Words that usually turn me off from seeing a movie

- Hobbits

- Zombies

- Time travel

- Epic tale

- Genocide

- The chronicles of anything

- Nazis

- Talking animals

- Wizards

- "from the best selling video game"

- Ashton Kutcher

- Futuristic

- Cyborgs

- fun for the whole family

- Mythology

- Aliens

- Predator

- Aliens versus Predator

For the record, I am making Slumdog Millionaire the official selection for the 2008 Hot Surprise Movie of the year. See it now!

Meat Lovers Deluxe

click HERE for the mega-awesome-meat-eatin-bacon-lovin-hog-crazy-ho-for-sho-hot-surprise-carnivore-early-edition.

The extremely poor mans lipo

Nothing says classy like taping your underarm skin flaps to fool yourself and the world that you have shapely, non  gelatinous arms. How about trying some bicep curls or abandoning short sleeve shirts? I saw this infomercial this morning while i was eating breakfast and got sucked in. I get so involved in infomercials. Partly because I'm gullible. Mostly because i love TV so much i'll give it the time of day for anything. I'm lucky that my apartment isn't filled with Magic Bullets and ShamWows (holds 20 times its weight in liquid!)

{note: it takes the WIGGLE out of the WOBBLE}

I suppose there are a ton of products that are created to help us accentuate our best assets.

Spray on Abs for the abdominally challenged.

Self Tanner for the tanning challenged and anabolic steroids for the body building challenged.

Wonder Bras for the cleavage challenged.

Porcelain Veneers for the perfect chiclet teeth challenged.

And so i guess Slim Tape for arms isn't so bad. Just another thing to make us feel good about ourselves. I'm guilty of that for sure so i can't hate. I guess it makes me mad that someone is making money off of something as simple as tape with a gimmick as lame as this. Tape that allows for octogenarians to walk among us with smooth ass arms and legs. And for the record, my arms have not reached the consistency of jell-o jigglers yet, but if anyone ever buys me this shit, i'll murder you.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

IN OTHER NEWS: I finished up my christmas shopping today. And by christmas shopping, i mean, i got no one else anything and bought myself a new pair of shoes.

Snowfall and the NYC romance

Yo Dawg. I never thought ath Xzibit could bring a girl so much joy. Much more here.

Awesome Image of the Day

Oh yeah.

Check out my new website. I am now available for professional hair and makeup services for weddings and photo shoots.

www.trieubeauty.com

I'm a bad blog person

Burger soap! Buy it here.

Dinner Party

These napkins are amazing! (via swissmiss)